After getting feedback from the lecturers we realised that there was a lot that we needed to add to the script in terms of description, also the layout needed some major tweaks...(that I know Mat wasn't happy about)
Here is the updated draft...
>>> "Scene 1. Ext. Town Square (Day)
It is a cool sunny morning in an old cobbled town square.
A canal runs through the middle of the town square, splitting it in half.
Half is 2D and half is CG. The two sides are mirrored over the canal.
Small cafes with tables, chairs and parasols surround the square.
Fenced in by tall buildings with pale walls and red roofs that are casting pale shadows over the cobbles.
Between some buildings are side streets, leading away from the square.
The sun shines through gaps in the buildings and roofs and illuminates the square in a hazy glow.
A stone bridge with metal railings connects the two sides.
On the 2D side of the bridge OLDIE arrives from a side street and sets up.
Oldie is a classic mime actor, he has been in this job for many years in the same square.
He carries some excess weight on his stomach and is balding in his old age.
Oldie takes off his hat and places it on the floor, then takes off an imaginary coat and hangs it up.
A small crowd forms around him with intrigue. They speak quietly amongst themselves.
Oldie lethargically starts his mime act and slowly places his hands on an invisible wall.
The crowd mutter amongst themselves, seemingly unimpressed.
On the CG side of the canal ROOKIE is also setting up.
He struggles to manage all of the items he has with him, clumsily handling them.
The crowd look over to him from Oldie's 2D side of the canal.
Rookie places a stereo on the ground, along with a kit bag and a stool.
He takes off his coat and places it on the stool, and pulls a bottle of water out of the kit bag then places it on the ground.
Rookie takes a deep breathe of the fresh morning air.
Rookie stretches up and out for a short while. He reaches into the air and bends over touching his toes.
A couple in the crowd around Oldie chat to each other and begin to walk over the bridge to Rookie's CG side of the canal.
He turns on his stereo and begins his act.
Rookie begins to walk against the wind.
The rest of the small crowd that Oldie earlier attracted begin to disperse; one-by-one walking across the bridge to watch Rookie's act.
Oldie notices that the crowd have almost all left.
Oldie tries to mimic some of Rookie's more energetic moves in an effort to regain the crowd's interest.
Oldie walks against the wind and climbs a ladder, but hurts his back so has to slow down.
Frustrated, Oldie screws up his face and looks down.
He notices something on the floor.
He looks up and glares at Rookie.
He picks up an imaginary rock from the floor and lobs it across the canal towards Rookie.
The rock strikes Rookie on the head, he falls over, stunned.
Dazed, Rookie stands back up.
He rubs his head and glares back at Oldie.
Oldie is trying to look nonchalant.
He leans with his elbow on a low invisible wall, moving his lips as if whistling.
The crowd think that this is all part of his act, and laugh.
Rookie reaches into his pocket and pulls out an invisible balloon.
He blows it up and angrily starts to bend it into something while still glaring at Oldie.
Oldie sees him doing this, he pulls out a bow and arrow, and fires it across the canal at Rookie.
The balloon pops in Rookie's face before he can finish modeling it.
Rookie jumps back in shock.
The crowd laugh, much to Rookie's dismay.
Rookie throws his arms down in anger and quickly turns to Oldie.
Oldie is bent over laughing and slapping his knee.
Rookie stomps across the bridge to Oldie's side of the canal (crossing into the 2D world) with his chest and chin held high.
More people start to add to the crowd as they see the commotion.
The crowd follow to the edge of the canal and look across to the 2D side from the CG side.
Rookie reaches Oldie and stands right in front of him.
Oldie glances up but barely notices Rookie is there.
Rookie pretends to pull off his gloves one finger at a time, grasps the fake glove and slaps Oldie across the face.
Oldie immediately stops laughing and stands stunned for a moment, staring at Rookie with a bewildered look on his face.
Oldie shakes it off and screws up his eyebrows with anger.
Oldie slowly raises his hand, holding something in his fist.
He holds it in front of Rookie's face.
Rookie looks closely at Oldie's fist.
Then all of a sudden Oldie opens up his hand and blows (invisible) dust in Rookie's face, blinding him.
Oldie breaks into a run (on the spot) away from Rookie.
The crowd on the opposite side of the river laugh in uproar.
Rookie throws his hands up to his eyes and bends over in pain.
He rubs the dust out of his eyes and begins to chase after Oldie (also on the spot).
Oldie stops and sits, pretending to read a newspaper.
Rookie continues to run for a few more seconds (catching up to Oldie).
He taps Oldie and gestures with his arms and shoulders as if asking a question.
Oldie points towards the 2D cafe.
Rookie turns and begins to walk in that direction (actually moving this time).
Rookie stops still with a shocked expression.
He realises that he has been tricked by Oldie.
Rookie turns and looks around for Oldie.
Rookie sees Oldie miming to the now larger crowd on Rookie's spot (on the 3D side of the canal).
Rookie quickly becomes angry and begins to cross the bridge while swinging an invisible rope over his head.
He stops at the center of the bridge.
He throws his lasso at Oldie; roping Oldie around his arms and waist, and pulls him towards himself.
They are now standing face to face in the center of the bridge, at the dividing line of the 2D and 3D sides.
The crowd run up and follow to the opening of the bridge to get a closer look.
Oldie and Rookie erupt into an argument, throwing wild gestures, pointing at the ground and pointing to each others patch, both very visibly angry.
The crowd is now laughing and has grown considerably in size.
After a while they stop arguing and realise that they are now surrounded by the large cheering and clapping crowd.
Slightly confused; they look at each other, and bow together to the audience." <<<
We still needed to tweaks some areas like the wording and a little more description so we had another bash at it...in the next post.
Showing posts with label script. Show all posts
Showing posts with label script. Show all posts
Sunday, 9 October 2011
Script Development - Draft 1
We wrote a first draft of our script last week and were very happy with it. We emailed it to all of the lecturers knowing that there will be things that we would have to change and edit...little did we know how much!
Looking back now after we have finalised our script I can see that the first draft was very weak and needed a lot more description in it to explain the scene so whoever it is reading it can picture it as we do.
And here it is....
>>> "Scene 1. Ext. City (Daytime)
On the 2D side of the bridge Oldie is setting up. He takes off his hat and places it on the floor, and then takes off an imaginary coat and hangs it up.
He lethargically starts his mime act; slowly placing his hands on an invisible wall.
The crowd mutter amongst themselves, seemingly unimpressed.
On the 3D side of the river Rookie is also setting up.
He is struggling to manage all of the items he has with him, clumsily handling them.
He places a stereo on the ground, along with a kit bag and a stool. He takes off his coat and places it on the stool, and pulls a bottle of water out of the kit bag then places it on the ground next to the stool.
He stretches for a while; reaching into the air and bending over and touching his toes.
He turns on his stereo and begins his act. Starting out walking against the wind.
The small crowd that Oldie has attracted begin to disperse; one-by-one walking across the bridge to watch Rookie's act.
Noticing that he is losing his crowd, Oldie tries to mimic some of Rookie's more energetic moves, walking against the wind and climbing a ladder, but hurts his back and has to slow down.
Frustrated, he looks down and notices something on the floor, looks up glaring at Rookie. He then picks up the imaginary rock on the floor and lobs it across the river towards Rookie.
Striking Rookie on the head, he falls over, stunned. After a short while he stands back up, rubbing his head while glaring back at Oldie, who is trying to look nonchalant.
The crowd think that this is all part of his act, and laugh.
Rookie pulls an invisible balloon out of his pocket and blows it up, he frantically starts to bend it into something while still glaring at Oldie.
Oldie sees him doing this, he pulls out a bow and arrow, and fires it across the river at Rookie.
The balloon pops in Rookie's face before he can finish it.
His retaliation plan foiled; Rookie strides across the bridge to Oldie's side of the river (crossing into the 2D world) with his chest and chin held high.
When he reaches Oldie, he stands right in front of him and pretends to pull off his gloves one finger at a time, grasping the fake glove he slaps Oldie across the face; challenging him to a duel.
Oldie stands stunned for a moment, eventually raising his hand, holding something in his fist. He opens up his hand, and blows (invisible) dust in Rookie's face, blinding him.
Oldie breaks into a run (on the spot) away from Rookie.
Rubbing the dust out of his eyes Rookie begins to chase after Oldie (also on the spot).
Oldie stops and sits, pretending to read a newspaper.
Rookie continues to run for a few more seconds (catching up to Oldie) taps Oldie and gestures as if asking a question. Oldie points away in a direction, and Rookie turns and begins to walk in that direction (actually moving this time).
Realising that he has been tricked by Oldie, Rookie turns and looks around for Oldie. He sees him miming to the now larger crowd on his spot (on the 3D side of the river).
Rookie begins to walk across the bridge while swinging an invisible rope over his head.
Just before he reaches the dividing line on the bridge he throws the lasso at Oldie, and pulls him towards him on the bridge. Bringing them face to face across the dividing line (standing on each others sides).
They erupt into an argument, throwing very wild gestures, pointing at the ground and pointing to each others patch, both very visibly angry.
After a while they stop arguing and realize that they are now surrounded by a very large cheering and clapping crowd. Slightly confused they look at each other, and bow together to the audience." <<<
Looking back now after we have finalised our script I can see that the first draft was very weak and needed a lot more description in it to explain the scene so whoever it is reading it can picture it as we do.
And here it is....
>>> "Scene 1. Ext. City (Daytime)
On the 2D side of the bridge Oldie is setting up. He takes off his hat and places it on the floor, and then takes off an imaginary coat and hangs it up.
He lethargically starts his mime act; slowly placing his hands on an invisible wall.
The crowd mutter amongst themselves, seemingly unimpressed.
On the 3D side of the river Rookie is also setting up.
He is struggling to manage all of the items he has with him, clumsily handling them.
He places a stereo on the ground, along with a kit bag and a stool. He takes off his coat and places it on the stool, and pulls a bottle of water out of the kit bag then places it on the ground next to the stool.
He stretches for a while; reaching into the air and bending over and touching his toes.
He turns on his stereo and begins his act. Starting out walking against the wind.
The small crowd that Oldie has attracted begin to disperse; one-by-one walking across the bridge to watch Rookie's act.
Noticing that he is losing his crowd, Oldie tries to mimic some of Rookie's more energetic moves, walking against the wind and climbing a ladder, but hurts his back and has to slow down.
Frustrated, he looks down and notices something on the floor, looks up glaring at Rookie. He then picks up the imaginary rock on the floor and lobs it across the river towards Rookie.
Striking Rookie on the head, he falls over, stunned. After a short while he stands back up, rubbing his head while glaring back at Oldie, who is trying to look nonchalant.
The crowd think that this is all part of his act, and laugh.
Rookie pulls an invisible balloon out of his pocket and blows it up, he frantically starts to bend it into something while still glaring at Oldie.
Oldie sees him doing this, he pulls out a bow and arrow, and fires it across the river at Rookie.
The balloon pops in Rookie's face before he can finish it.
His retaliation plan foiled; Rookie strides across the bridge to Oldie's side of the river (crossing into the 2D world) with his chest and chin held high.
When he reaches Oldie, he stands right in front of him and pretends to pull off his gloves one finger at a time, grasping the fake glove he slaps Oldie across the face; challenging him to a duel.
Oldie stands stunned for a moment, eventually raising his hand, holding something in his fist. He opens up his hand, and blows (invisible) dust in Rookie's face, blinding him.
Oldie breaks into a run (on the spot) away from Rookie.
Rubbing the dust out of his eyes Rookie begins to chase after Oldie (also on the spot).
Oldie stops and sits, pretending to read a newspaper.
Rookie continues to run for a few more seconds (catching up to Oldie) taps Oldie and gestures as if asking a question. Oldie points away in a direction, and Rookie turns and begins to walk in that direction (actually moving this time).
Realising that he has been tricked by Oldie, Rookie turns and looks around for Oldie. He sees him miming to the now larger crowd on his spot (on the 3D side of the river).
Rookie begins to walk across the bridge while swinging an invisible rope over his head.
Just before he reaches the dividing line on the bridge he throws the lasso at Oldie, and pulls him towards him on the bridge. Bringing them face to face across the dividing line (standing on each others sides).
They erupt into an argument, throwing very wild gestures, pointing at the ground and pointing to each others patch, both very visibly angry.
After a while they stop arguing and realize that they are now surrounded by a very large cheering and clapping crowd. Slightly confused they look at each other, and bow together to the audience." <<<
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